OK, this is in no way a judgment as I’m sure a few people who stumble across may take it but I felt as a person who’s had her share of a non perfect life, a non perfect birth, a loss and no choice in my “birthing plan” with this one that I am qualified to write this post and say I just am not sure I get it.
We are all mainly brought up to believe certain “ideals” such as meeting the one, the true love, your knight in shining armor and so on. We are all taught to believe that fairy tale. Which is a load of crap especially in this day and age. I’m not saying you can’t find true love and that you can’t be almost fairy tale happy. But it’s not all pretty white dresses and woodland creatures and love stories from the movies. Its work, it’s fighting, it’s compromise, it’s heartbreak. So I say most of us have gotten over the fake idea of fairy tale happily ever after and made it into a more modern day make it work happiness as it should be. SO people???
Whats this obsession i constantly hear about almost all women being seriously adamant and creepily obsessed with natural childbirth, or making a c-section seem like they need an exorcism? I hear, see and read people constantly say, I want natural child birth, because I don’t want complications and a possible c-section. to me that says I want natural child birth cause the Dr’s will screw it up otherwise and I will have to have a c-section and those are just awful.
seriously? get over it, get over your unrealistic ideals and ideas and all the bullshit you’ve heard before. Unless you’re baby has died or received an injury or defect from anything but natural child birth you really have nothing to base these ridiculous scenarios and fear on, other than well fear and mis information.
Isn’t the whole main goal with any type of child birth to have a live healthy baby? I’ve seen women on these shows, in real life and in blogland lose their minds with the mention of drugs and then a c-section comes up, up until the very last second when it can not be put off anymore and they have no choice. and the WORST part of it is watching and listening after, it’s a giant pity party of “I failed” and “it didn’t go my way”. UM well I’m guessing that your whole life wasn’t perfect so things not going your way all the time would be normal, not a failure and actually a triumph I would say. I’d rather look at my baby than whine about the past.
I had no dilusions that i wanted natural childbirth at all costs, even after hearing my Mother’s 2 push, no drug, baby out easy stories for my sister and brother. I decided that I would like to endure what I could and then be able to enjoy the experience without pain and anxiety. Did I want a c-section? no I didn’t but i didn’t automatically think of it as failure either. I went in and they said my water must have broken within the last 24 to 48 hours and nothing was happening, so they induced, that’s one drug I could have done without OMG no rest between contractions. but after so many hours I got another lovely drug that had me sleeping and napping and having good conversation during contractions. 17 hours later (i was new at this and it was quite a long night) I was dialated and ready to push, they discovered during 3 hours of pushing (yes 3 excruciating hours with an epidural and still with back pain the whole 3 hours of pushing) that Anders must have turned slighty and his head was not facing the correct way to come out easily, but let me push anyway as they did not want me to have a c-section either. Meanwhile I was begging for one at this point, exhausted, in pain, causing slight nerve damage to my back because basically his head was pressing on my tailbone everytime I pushed. Finally they said before the baby’s heart rate drops anymore, and to alleviate the pain I’m feeling i would have a c-section. I agreed, signed the paper shaking and ready to passout and went in. I could feel slighty them cutting me, after epidural for a while I was apparently immune to its power and had some sensation still, it didn’t hurt. more like a slight burning. So they put me out. I had Anders at 5pm Nov 7th 2000, I didn’t wake up and get to see him until nearly midnight that night. While some of that story sounds crazy and traumatic just laying my eyes on him made it all worth it, made it all not matter, and made me not even care I had a c-section. I was only 23 years old withno desire to have children really before I got pregnant, and here I was a Mom in awe. Who cares how your baby gets here as long as it gets here? Like I said screw ups happen, deaths and injury occur and I certainly find the want for natural valid for that reason, but some people are above and beyond about wanting it that way, their way, the planned way, at all costs for no real reason other than fear and control.
One thing I remember but didn’t get at the time, was that my Dr said “don’t let those nurses treat you like you took the easy way out with a c-section, after 17 hours of labor and 3 of pushing before it you essentially did both.” I was like ok, but had no idea why. I get it now, there’s a stigma, and sour opinion, especially among most nurses in the maternity ward that you failed, you didnt try your best or were too lazy. really? the fact that I carried around a baby in my 5 foot 98 lb frame for 9 months wasn’t enough work and pain? the fact that out of that tiny body came a 7lb 3 3/4oz boy who was 21 3/4″ long yeah thats a long baby. But I was lazy? didn’t try hard enough? took the easy way out? you know what I say to anyone who thinks of a c-section that particular way, fuck you. yep fuck you.
If you just have no idea what its about and are just going along with ” the ideas and ideals” you’ve heard all your life regarding this, get over it. We were all born with free will ladies, and fortunately for me I inherited enough “don’t give a damn what others think in any way” that i could care less ahead of time what “the perfect birth plan” was. My perfect birth plan was to bring home my son. He’s gonna be 8 in Nov, aside from that the rest is filler.
I have to have a c-section with this one in December, I would have liked to try a regular vaginal birth ((with drugs of course)) but i can’t, so you know what, next subject, next worry, next issue. why dwell and pout and feel like a failure? Look at what I endured clueless at 23 and here I am willing to try it again after all that and not even upset. Sure the recovery is a slight bitch (regular is no picnic anyway) and I get to be a princess and get taken care of, cooked for, my other kid taken to and from school cause I can’t do our stairs at first…yeah that’s a tough life, getting waited on for a week or two…
Nothing in life goes according to plan and I learned a long long time ago that planning is your first mistake, be prepared yes, but planning is almost like asking for a wrench to be thrown in…I swear it. besides ever seen a c-section baby? they are pretty the minute the crap is cleaned off of them…no mis-shapen heads or anything ha ha 🙂
so take my little story, theory, rant as you will and know I’m not judging, just informing, and that includes myself. i just don’t get the stigma and stick in the mud attitude, so here I am hoping to educate myself or possibly someone else.
Have a lovely day!!
and I have to remind myself to smile 
Amen, sister.
My first miscarriage (of 3) taught me a lot of things, including the fact that I had to let go of the fantasy that my body will do this whole baby-having thing flawlessly and without help.
If someone else’s body is an efficient baby-making machine, then hooray for her. But that’s a matter of luck, not virtue. My self-esteem can’t be based on my body’s ability to bear children effortlessly, because that’s out of my control (and also stupid). Whatever help I need, I will gladly accept.
Is motherhood just one big experience of guilt from birth onward? Because reading people’s blogs, it seems like Moms always feel judged for one thing or another (breastfeeding or not breastfeeding, working or not working, being strict or lenient). It really seems time to give each other a break.
I can’t wait to see pics of your new baby with the perfect head 🙂
Hey, lady, my vaginal kids were perfect too. J/K– not the point here.
There are statistical benefits to vaginal birth in terms of the health of
the baby, and some for the recovery for the mother. But you are
right– that is not how the true believers phrase it. And the
language they use– trust in your body (hahahaha!!!!), successful birth vs. c-section
as a failure, etc– that drives me right mad. Seething. Because guess
what? I know about unsuccessful birth– it ends with dead or severely
compromised baby. The rest? Just the way it happened, not a
reason for a freaking value judgment.
Of course yes, there are rude and judgmental medical professionals,
and there are hospitals where you are treated like a piece of meat.
I am very fortunate that my hospital is not like that, and that my
medical team is respectful, supportive, and generally wonderful. I
can understand someone having had a very bad hospital experience
once, an experience that devalued them as a person rather than
helped them do this hard work that is having a baby and taking care
of the newborn, I can understand someone who has had this happen
to them looking for a different way to have a baby next time. But I
resent people making it sound like every hospital is a meat market,
like all doctors will suck out your soul, and like having a c-section
dooms you and your baby to life-long failure of bonding and love.
I had previa with my oldest. It resolved (after several bleeds and hospitalizations)
and I had a vaginal birth. If it didn’t, I would’ve had a c-section, and
would’ve still gotten to take home my beautiful daughter. Not a
problem in my book.
ha ha ha sorry Julia. did I mention I love you ladies?! yeah i am sure I digress in my rants but I’m so glad you caught my meaning. I certainly had a terrible experience made not so terrible by well, my son and his VERY mishapen head ha ha ha pushing for 3 hours to no avail, think cone heads no exaggeration. he wore hats for a month 🙂
I think when anyone gets pregnant, they just assume it’ll come out of their cookie and sometimes it doesn’t but I don’t see why it makes a difference. I always said I preferred a vaginal birth, just because I didn’t want to have to deal with healing from the c-section, but I labored and delivered both boys vaginally. I know what’s it’s like. Granted, they weren’t 8 pound babies, the labor pains were just the same. I didn’t have any pain meds with either of them, because I wanted to feel them coming out- I figured that was the least I could do for two babies that were dying, but in the furure, if it hurts and I want pains meds, then I’m not opposed to them.
But just for the record, with any future pregnancies, I have to have a c-section anyway. If the baby is alive and screaming you can pull it out of my nose for all I care.