Archive for May, 2009

B.aby T.alk cover contest

Posted: 05/07/2009 in life

2818_81026013456_567723456_1835413_6807157_nI entered little man, this pic in the light blue hat where he is making a serious James Dean face ha ha…Its on their sit under the link “babies with hats” somewhere.

It would be so sweet if he was a finalist, but there are A LOT of cute kids in there 😦

backslide…again.
 
and it’s always the usual culprits (the ones most everyone can relate to) time & money.
 
So I believe the the overwhelmingingly devastating post partum has parted ways with my psyche, which is great. Unfortunately the regularly devastating bi-polar depressive black cloud rolled in and is sitting over my head. (fancy that, it’s even been raining in central NJ for almost 4 days with Sunday being the end of it).
 
I haven’t taken my meds in like 7 days. No, I don’t think “hey I feel great, I’m all better I don’t need it” like most ill people. I know I need it, I will always need it. I can not afford it. It really sucks that I allow myself to do well and then I start to run out and I realize there isn’t $ in our budget to order more until I’m out. This sucks. It is super important I know BUT do I put that before food and what not for the kids?
 
I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle. the days are WAY TOO short the nights are NEVERENDING. The money just doesn’t exist, and neither do other jobs. besides the fact that if I worked full time most of what I made would pay for child care thus making working full time a moot point.
 
Chase will be 5 months old next week, 5 months…shouldn’t he be sleeping somewhat regularly at this point? well he does not. some nights he gets up at 11:30 and 2. some nights he gets up every 45 mins to an hour. we go through the whole are you wet? do you have gas? you shouldn’t be hungry deal…there is no reason for it. Other than wanting to sleep with one of us.
 
Pain in the ass as it will be, cause there is no time in the day as is, I will be picking up like 2 evening shifts at a resturant soon, perhaps an extra night in the summer, to make ends meet. What will this do to my cycle feelings? probably make some worse, but make the $ worry a little less. I have decided that money is the root of all evil. I want to go back to trading wampum…wanna join me?
 
I had the oddest feeling last night, just thought I’d mention it incase anyone knows what its like or has felt this way. You know when your younger and you feel weird, inside? like your legs just don’t feel right? “growing pains” my mom would say. Well she’s recently discovered she has restless leg syndrome (which I know I have a mild case of that I rarely experience) but last night it was my arms and my legs and it was as if my skin was crawling, but from inside, or rather my “bones and muscle” were crawling which still doesn’t describe it accurately. Couldn’t decide if it was exhaustion, soreness from always being on the go or a bipolar side effect. I took 2 advil and willed myself to sleep. It was a strange and somewhat disturbing feeling…haven’t noticed having in a long time and did not enjoy it.
 
so thats my post about everyting and nothing for today…sorry its not a happy uplifting sarcastic funny one…I seem to be all out of those at the mo….

waiting for daddy

waiting for daddy

get in my mouth!

get in my mouth!