Archive for the ‘life’ Category

Circus freaks

Posted: 10/25/2011 in life
Tags: ,


So we just spent a good twenty minutes with Chase being silly, wrestling, and quizzing him on animals and their sounds, counting, body parts and faces/moods.

This kid is way smarter than he lets on day to day. It just goes to show you that I need not worry about nanna not being the best at doing learning interactive stuff while watching him.

We did put him in daycare 2 days a week at a friends house. It’s made a big difference.

Anders has decided when he has too much homework he will “forget” it in his locker that way he had more time for playing with friends. The result….pissed off parents and no more play dates on school days. Dumb shit. I love how kids know everything and think they won’t get caught.
Hello! I did it already….everything you do or think of doing I’ve done, and I will bust you. You’re eleven, and dumb as bricks.

I wish I could send them both away until they are 22 with college degrees and non douche bags……..keep dreaming.


Posted: 10/20/2011 in life

I re read 3/4 of this blog and I had and now see I sort of lost a lot of great people disappearing ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

And you can SOOOOOO tell I’m bipolar ha ha.

Well The kids are growing in leaps and bounds and I have quite a bit to tell etc. The best part?? I got a smart phone, wordpress has an app…I no longer need to sit at a computer to blog ๐Ÿ™‚ LIKE!!!!


Posted: 10/19/2011 in life

My kids are being good, my house is clean, it’s quiet…what’s the catch?
I’m sure in the middle of the night the monster will wake and feel terrible cause he’s sick.

Such is life.

How do you get passed something

Posted: 10/19/2011 in life

I’m angry, very angry. I feel Lost and alone and broken and unappreciated and unloved. I feel like a failure.

I want to be happy I want to start over, move passed the crap and learn to be happy again. I don’t know how to do it.

How do 2 people go through turmoil, anger, resentment, general bullshit to the point that is all their is and get past it? I feel stuck in a vicious cycle. In limbo. Fix it and move on and be happy or end it and move on and eventually be happy. HOW does one move on together? forgive, forget and never ever bring up all that anger and pain??

I do not know anyone who has done it, no one. Everyone realizes it is easier to quit, give up and move on. It is in some aspects, especially in the forgive and forget, no need, it’s over no need to forgive and work at things. NEXT!!!

I want to “shit or get off the pot” so to speak. Nail down which it is and figure out how in the hell to go about doing it.

Anyone gone through some serious anger resentment issues with a loved one and actually moved on with them and had it work??

I’ve forgotten many things over the last 2 years:

How to smile and mean it

How to love people whole heartedly

how it feels to be loved, because I don’t feel it

How it feels to have medication that works for me

what I haven’t and will never and never did forget…was how to feel broken



the definition of insanity: doing the same thing again expecting a different outcome….only 8 years apart exchange the man in the story and add another young son.



the futility of finding patience

Posted: 06/21/2011 in life

I may complain a lot about my kids like I hate them (mostly on Face.Book) , if you know me you know that is the complete opposite of how I feel about the loves of my life. That being said I want to be a better Mom, a more patient, fun Mom. I want to do things with my kids that are small things that they will treasure like my mom did with me. But I get so wrapped up in the stresses of parenting and work and soccer and PTO.

How does one balance these things. I do it all in the name of the kids but when I actually sit and think about the time, the actual time I am present in their daily lives…I know I am not. They annoy me. They stress me, they make me want a… break. a break from what? My life? My stress. Wouldn’t spending silly artistic crafty time with them making them happy and less stressed stress me less? help me smile and relax? Why can I not do this? After 10 1/2 years as a parent I feel I’m failing my youngest. Anders got all of me, all the time, fun-loving learning I was mentally present all the time. Chase not so much. I feel like a bad parent. I also know this is COMPLETELY normal stuff here. but something has got to give…I have to find a better balance, set some time aside and stick to it, with both of them selfishly in the end for my sanity. Yikes being a Mom is hard. Who’s idea was this?? ha ha

I don’t know why when the level of stress rises and the level of commitment increases in another aspect why I put the kids to the wayside. How can you do things in the name of your kids and bettering their lives but not actually spend time with them one on one? creating memories and smiles and just showing in a physical mental way that they are your world? That you love them more than life itself? I hope someone knows the secret cause I sure as hell don’t.

Chase 2 1/2, Anders 10 1/2

Due to all the Patrickย  posts on FB etc and the horror stories regarding abused animals that have been in the front of my mind we adopted a rescue dog.

At first I wanted an adult, lets face it no one wants a “grown dog” the same way most people don’t want to adopt a grown child, sad but true. Unfortunately having a 2 year old and a 6 year old male dog already I had to get a puppy BUT she was a rescue. She was abandoned with her mother and sister on the side of the road in a box. The same foster “mom” had them for 3 weeks. Her sister was adopted on Thursday (4/7) and we adopted her on Saturday (4/9).

She is 10 weeks old and the sweetest most well behaved thing I ever met. only 1 accident in the house in all these days. There is definitely a soft spot in my heart where rescues are concerned and I get SO upset when people buy a dog at a pet store. Because essentially you are paying professional animal abusers to…keep abusing. Meanwhile there are thousands upon thousands of homeless pets out there.

Here she is Sweet Savannah

(Goes nicely with Hurricane Memphis don’tcha think??)

For my baby seester

Posted: 03/21/2011 in life

My sister has been TTC for over 3 years…no luck.

3 rounds of clomid….no luck. She ovulates irregularly or not at all on her own (been this way since she was 16 maybe??)

She’s a little overweight and the Dr told her to cut down sugar and lose a little weight. Her ovaries are almost as large as her uterus. YIKES…

So please send some good vibes my way as I would like a neice to spoil and not have to live with ha ha ha.

She decided to turn over a new leaf of healthy eating, less stress and taking care of herself in general, things she has been avoiding dealing with by eating as a comfort (don’t we all know that ??).

So here’s to hoping I will finally be an Aunt for the first time by next year ๐Ÿ™‚


Posted: 03/13/2011 in life

someone who has been a fixture in my life for over 2 years got some wonderful news and shared it with us. I am so happy for my friend Monica. She is a wonderful person and deserves this and SO MUCH MORE. Hope is a wonderful thing ๐Ÿ™‚

Love you Monica!!! (did I use wonderful enough?? ha ha)

So I kept a Gerbera Daisy alive through the winter and it is about to bloom 5 flowers ๐Ÿ™‚ (I have tried this feat for years and failed!)

I know I have several things to digress about and share (if anyone still reads it). So I’m just sitting here debating my topic du jour.

Monster in Law (technically not since no vows were ever or will ever be exchanged but big diff).

The woman is unreliable and for lack of a better term stupid. She is our child care from 3 months to 27 months and would you believe I found out the minute I left for work she switched his pre school programs to soap net?? yeah. She was talked to about it several times. A few weeks ago I ended up driving to work in deadly white out conditions, needless to say I made it 1/3 of the way nearly did a 180 and turned around, I was out the door all of 40 mins, when I walked in she had soap net on. Anders tells me the reason he doesn’t stay home on his days off from school is “because all she does is talk on the phone and watch TV”. No wonder the kid didn’t start talking until now.

She also lets him whine whine whine and gives in ALL the time, now fine you’re Nana that’s what they do Fuck that she is in MY HOUSE and not following my rules. Take him to your house then. She lets him sleep on the couch despite being told over and over we do not want him on it we want him in bed. Guess who started fighting going to bed again? Yep and when we finally got pissed and were stern with her she laughed, looked at Chase and said uh oh I guess we’re in trouble and dismissed us. Are you fucking kidding me??

So we have a whiner, who refuses to stay in his bed, and a $1500 couch that gets stained frequently enough for me to want to burn it instead of clean it & a woman who does not give a shit about anything we say as parents. well…I can’t wait to tell her we only need her 4 days a week all summer and 3 days a week starting in September. I am taking Mondays off from work all summer and then my very good friend’s sister runs a daycare in her home (licensed etc, she was an elementary art teacher for years now a stay at home mom who runs a small daycare). and Just by adding 3 hours to my work week (a total of 28 hours a week instead of 25) we can afford to have him in a learning, child friendly environment.

My Goal is by Sept. 2012 to not have her watching him at all. I can’t stand it. Walker and I fought and argued and it was like banging our heads against a wall until he finally saw it, what she was doing, or not doing rather. I said put your child first, your Mom is a grown woman and is ruining our child and stunting him in MANY way developmentally and having good intentions isn’t good enough. (and none of this is bringing up the fact that she would up and leave for time in VA with no notice and call the day she was supposed to return to extend her trip…yeah she’s that kind of asshole) at what point does free child care start feeling like its costing you more than paid child care??? That’s where I’m at.ย  My poor smart boy who just wants to go go go, and learn and explore ended up with a lazy Nana who apparently decided now that he isn’t a tiny infant she doesn’t want to put forth the effort.

We have begun potty training (its not consistent when she’s around). He talks more everyday thankfully because of playdates with kids about a year older and Anders who have helped him along quickly. We have started the process of de-whining him as well ha ha ha this consists of “This is not Nana’s house and Nana is not here, stop whining”. It has been working, slowly.

We shall see if we can turn this little devil into my little angel…..ha ha ha

Chase 27 Months

Anders 10yrs Chase 2yrs