Archive for June, 2011

the futility of finding patience

Posted: 06/21/2011 in life

I may complain a lot about my kids like I hate them (mostly on Face.Book) , if you know me you know that is the complete opposite of how I feel about the loves of my life. That being said I want to be a better Mom, a more patient, fun Mom. I want to do things with my kids that are small things that they will treasure like my mom did with me. But I get so wrapped up in the stresses of parenting and work and soccer and PTO.

How does one balance these things. I do it all in the name of the kids but when I actually sit and think about the time, the actual time I am present in their daily lives…I know I am not. They annoy me. They stress me, they make me want a… break. a break from what? My life? My stress. Wouldn’t spending silly artistic crafty time with them making them happy and less stressed stress me less? help me smile and relax? Why can I not do this? After 10 1/2 years as a parent I feel I’m failing my youngest. Anders got all of me, all the time, fun-loving learning I was mentally present all the time. Chase not so much. I feel like a bad parent. I also know this is COMPLETELY normal stuff here. but something has got to give…I have to find a better balance, set some time aside and stick to it, with both of them selfishly in the end for my sanity. Yikes being a Mom is hard. Who’s idea was this?? ha ha

I don’t know why when the level of stress rises and the level of commitment increases in another aspect why I put the kids to the wayside. How can you do things in the name of your kids and bettering their lives but not actually spend time with them one on one? creating memories and smiles and just showing in a physical mental way that they are your world? That you love them more than life itself? I hope someone knows the secret cause I sure as hell don’t.

Chase 2 1/2, Anders 10 1/2

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