Posts Tagged ‘happy’

the wedding

Posted: 11/17/2008 in life
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My sister’s wedding was beautiful and wonderful minus a few small things.

1. my ex husband and his girlfriend were in attendance (uh huh she invited them and they sat 2 tables away!)

2. I was sat at the cousins table, which happened to be near no one in our family and in a back spot where I couldn’t see jack shit going on (I am a sibling not a cousin).

3. my ex sister in law(ex husbands sister, who happens to be a psycho drunken bitch) was her Matron of Honor and was an annoying bitch for a while early in the day.

Other than that everything went off without a snag, looked great, turned out great and I have never seen her so happy. So I will let it go, and hopefully i never have to deal with being treated like a 3rd cousin twice removed again or I’ll kick her ass ha haha. Anders did great as “L.ord of the R.ings”. heres a few pics to enjoy!

me and my parents

me and my parents

Anders and Walker

Anders and Walker

Kim and Jeff

Kim and Jeff

happy birthday baby

Posted: 11/07/2008 in life
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He’s 8. today he’s 8. and I’m sad about it.

first time he didn't cry on santas lap

first time he didn't cry


a boy and his dog

a boy and his dog

cliche as it is, it really does fly by. don’t blink.

the light after the storm

Posted: 08/20/2008 in life
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A few things compounded to make me less than happy around my birthday, I was down right stressed and miserable. BUT with a little bit of meds, the power of positive thinking and a refocus of whats important the sun came out:

2 things that would have cost money we didn’t have, righted themselves and didn’t need fixing, and I got a job, i start the same day Anders starts 2nd grade. Sept. 3. its part time, and yes they know about the pregnancy and what time off I will take in Dec and Jan and are also flexible with Anders’ school schedule. it looks like my(our) luck has finally taken a turn for the better. lets hope it stays that way.

I leave you with a thoughtful, peaceful, picture that only needs one word: Mother

23 weeks 1 day (111 days left OMG!)

23 weeks 1 day (111 days left OMG!)

oh Boy!!

Posted: 07/25/2008 in life
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verdict is in, baby is a boy!! yay! not only can they share a room but “MIL” was wrong and had to eat her annoying words (even tho she still said they could be wrong, just shut up and buy blue ya bitch, you lost ha ha) and for those critics who say they can make mistakes, we saw 5 shots 3 angles and his hands were over his face nearly the whole time (oh no baby papparazzi, no more pictures) ha ha

and best of all? I’m still the only princess in the castle, trust me its awesome to be spoiled by boys and treated special, even the dog is a boy 😉

here he is:  fake name: Eugene Hercules (priceless faces when we say this, we’re such jerks!)

baby boy at almost 20 weeks

baby boy at almost 20 weeks

and feel free to smack me if you think I am but…

my skin is GROSS, again, no surprise it was bad with Anders. Its getting warmer which means i will get oilier ewww. Glowing? no no honey its more like greasy and shining. But I suppose they put the glowing spin on it from an outside perspective. ha ha just the perks of pregnancy I suppose. I did it once I can do it again, my poor sore sensitive skin….

I’m good really. I still worry and obsess. Even tho all seems normal and safe I can’t help but get closer to an appointment and wonder if it will have a heartbeat. It’s like human nature now. I can smile and say when the baby gets her… but a week before an ultrasound I’m convinced there’s no heartbeat. I miss naive, stupid me. All is fine and you never need to worry or stress cause you don’t live in that world. But unfortunately now I do.

Loss changes you forever. not temporarily, forever. It makes me even more grateful for every good appointment and for Anders of course.  I loved him so much as it was and more everyday but when I lost the baby I found new depths of love for that little boy, and more dreams and hopes, and just such a sense of relief that he is here and I know him and love him and that life is so fragile and short sometimes. For being able to see that and feel that and know that I am grateful but I wish i never had to lose a baby to get it. It makes this pregnancy that much more wonderful and stressful and scary and hopeful. it’s like living on a see-saw up up up middle down down middle up up up, which I guess is normal pregnancy to begin with but those of you who know what I’m talking about know that its so different and difficult. Its hard to think you’re hurting anyone who’s lost or making their heart ache. It’s nice to think you give someone hope and something to look forward to. But the people who haven’t lost or don’t acknowledge your loss anymore just think its business as usual and thats that. Its not. It’s hard, its scary, its sad. because I can’t be 100% happy and hopeful and I want to be but it isn’t realistic and it isn’t smart. I love this baby already, and I want this baby to come home and chances are it will, but I can’t commit to being 100% postive about the whole thing. I just can’t. in real life I can fake it with people. I am just so damn glad I don’t have to on here.

 I just passed 11 weeks. 11 weeks. I have a detailed ultrasound for testing on June 6th at 12 weeks 3 days. I will see a baby, that looks like a baby. i will hear its heartbeat for the first time, I will be SO attached and SO worried after that. I just keep saying with every week that passes you’re one week safer and one week closer to holding you son’s sibling. thats all I can do.