guilty?

Posted: 09/20/2007 in guilt, life, loss, struggle

it always amazes me my ability to throw myself at someone else’s woes. I’m sure it’s most often just the promise of distraction that does it, and always because it’s someone I love dearly.

 I have a friend, C. she was seeing someone who lived in Ireland. They were so happy in love. It seemed impossible to meet someone online and fall that hard, and fall even harder when seeing them multiple times in person. But she did, they did. All seemed well too for a long time, she had even gone back and forth contemplating leaving her life here in the states, her friends and family and moving there to be with him. Well thankfully, she didn’t. He was here, he was supposed to be here for 2 more weeks. He left. He let her go to work on Monday and went through her things including her computer, apparently searching for some kind of incriminating evidence of cheating. There was none, there is none. She’s as loyal and trustworthy as they come. So when she found out he did this she made a “dig” and said well then I should check your mails…(she had no intention of doing so and was about to tell him as much and that she trusted him when he turned red, put his head down and acted guilty himself) so she checked ,there was a particular woman that he seemed to converse with intimately enough for her to type things like “give your son sweet dream kisses for me” and for him to type “C will be at work all day out of the house, I’ll be online”.

So I acknowledged the pain but went straight for advice and logical thinking. He was the one doing something wrong, he felt so guilty that he had hoped to find something on C’s end that would make him less guilty or her just a guilty. The plan backfired and now they are in separate countries once again wondering what happened. Only he copied her hard drive and is going through the entire thing sitting online in Ireland right now and told her he was doing it. Still looking for something to make him feel less guilty?

Why can’t people just be happy? With all the bad things that can and do happen, with all the struggle, with all the loss….isn’t it just a little bit of happiness we really want?

So that was my distraction today, spent a bit too much time on myspace and I do have some work to do….everyone needs a break right?

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Comments
  1. Monica H says:

    First and foremost, I am sorry for your loss. I hope through blogging you can find healing.

    And secondly, I am sorry about your friend finding love then getting hurt.

    ~Monica H

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