the root of all evil October 6, 2009

money.

so i don’t have much time to write the blog I want. This economy is slowly killing us consumers.

Walker isn’t getting a raise or bonus this year (but they are doing that to not have lay offs, so thats good). But we seem to be paying more and taking in less. it never ends.

I’m going to ask the bosses for a couple extra hours a week to help out. 2 kids birthdays (1 with a party at a hall) and Christmas….I know right now we don’t have it. So we gotta figure out ways to budget better, cut back, stop bleeding money.

anyone have any suggestions that are right under my nose and I don’t see them? (like most people).

light at the end of the tunnel. September 22, 2009

9 months

I’m feeling better, most days.

Chase’s Dr said He doesn’t need to eat. Starving kids sleep 12 hours all over the world. Do not feed him for at least 7 hours, do not pick him up, do not make eye contact. Tell him its bed time and let him cry. the first day it took an hour, he slept 6 in a row after that, 15 mins and back to bed after eating. The next night about 40 mins and slept for 6 1/2 ate and back to bed (he eats around 5 and sleeps again til 6:45) Last night he did about6 1/2. I know he can go 7 to 8 hours without a bottle the new problem is he has a bottle at 6 or 7 and goes to bed (we can not stop him he’s miserable) then he wants a bottle at 11 or so and then he gets up around 5, so it would work perfectly if he ate at 9 and slept til 5 but he won’t stay up past 7:30 pm. ) ANY suggestions???

he is getting better slowly, which is great, his timing is just seriously off. He eats a lot of solid food and stage 3 so the Dr said he’s not hungry he’s playing you, but I can’t in good conscience make him got from 6:30 pm until 6 am without a bottle cause he only takes 6oz at a time. Basically we need to shift him up to eating at 8 or 9 and then going to bed…but how????????

***and thanks to Monica for donating to our team for the breast cancer walk!! More people should be like you!!! Hope starts with US!!!!

appt summary August 28, 2009

1. the guy seems nice but he does this weird uh huh thing thats almost like a grunt and he does it after EVERYTHING I say. annoying!

2. It was basically a summary of the past 8 years-ish, my ex, my relationship with my parents then and now kinda thing, what brings me back to therapy? blah blah blah.

3. He seemed to be pushing hard the idea that Walker isn’t pulling his weight…but really pushing. Is therapy about blame??? So next week I am going to tell him ALL walker does do. Yeah he could be a lil more helpful and supportive but he’s not a slacker or an asshole. He works 45 to 55 hours a week to make up for me not working full time, he picks up every other sunday work. He pays a lot more of our bills without taking from me. he tries his best. i just feel like the guy made a somewhat quick judgement without all the facts. I’ll give him 4 appts, if he still annoys me and is big on blame, I’m out.

*don’t get me wrong he added a lil fault with me but i just felt like he “attacked” walker’s character or something. the man is a saint for putting up with me most of the time.

it’s always the way the cookie crumbles (but I don’t have to like it) July 17, 2009

and other tall tales

hello all, remember me? I have been hiding underground, trying to avoid everything, it’s so not working. I told myself for the last 2 weeks write a blog, read some blogs…and never got to it.

Chase slept better and in his crib for like 3 weeks…yay. BUT Walkers nephew and neice are up with his sister. Since his Mom watches Chase guess where they are all day? My house disrupting naps and schedules. His crib was in Anders room, now it is in our room so he can nap…which he isn’t doing well cause of said children’s ruckus. His Mom went in for emergency Gall Bladder surgery 2 weeks ago Saturday, so Walker’s Sister has been “helping” more like being a royal pain in the lazy effing bitch. So with Chase’s crib in our room, we don’t let him cry it out as much because he’s in our room and hello we need sleep. and even though he was doing great he started not sleeping the other day, screaming, nothing worked. not gas meds, not tylenol, not diaper changing nothing so guess who’s in our bed again. 2 days of this and what to my wandering eyes should appear but a miniature tooth stub broken through the gums!! OMG he has a tooth. OMG he’s a HORRIBLE teether. he hasn’t slept for 4 days, neither have we…yay. I have resigned myself for the fact that he will always be the “worst case scenario” according to the stats. as in: most babies once the first tooth breaks through have an easier time. Chase has decided he will never be “most babies”.

I’m tired, I’m always broke and I just keep feeling like I should look at the good and know eventually it will get better and just thinking there has got to be something more. my gratitude journal has consisted of things like: twisted teas, true blood with my sister, my hair still rocks,  walker staying up with Chase one night here and there so I can sleep a little.

obviously everyone being healthy and all that is also but how sad are the rest of those? ha ha. I even have to laugh at myself. it could be worse and I need to remember that.

so you’re not missing nothing by missing my attendance here really. but I am missing a lot on here by not being here so it’s time to play catch up yet again.

oh wait I fell off the exercise wagon because of non sleeping child and non helping in the am walker…haven’t gained it back yet but it hasn’t changed so there’s another defeat I’m seriously feeling inside and out.

wordless wednesday~ (ef u & chop chop) ~ June 24, 2009

summer etc. June 23, 2009

so I skipped a weeks worth of workouts, due to not feeling well and the days I did Chase got up at 5 and Walker didn’t bother getting him. seriously pissing me off in the process.

Despite that because of the way i have strictly stuck to my healthier eating choices i still lost a bit of weight.  So in 2 weeks, with only 7 workouts I lost 6lbs and 4 inches. yay! I worked out yesterday and will take a bike ride with Anders tonight. its amazing how a few lbs off on a scale can motivate you and help your spirits all in one…of course if I don’t work out it won’t last longer than a few days.

I was wondering if anyone in the North East has seen summer? If so can you call him and tell him he forgot a spot. Its rained 19 days of of 23 in June…we’re due for rain tonight and tomorrow…supposedly this weekend will be sunny and 80’s…I will believe it when I see it…

My MIL used to make me 15 mins late everyday for work, understandable she was working as a crossing guard…now that she’s off she’s still showing uplast minute…um hello 15 minutes loses me an hour and fifteen minutes of pay a week…so now I must say something. Also I took Mondays off (using my 10 vacation days) all summer. Walker told me she seemed upset cause she’ll miss a day with Chase…she’s a piece of work. I told her that would be beach or pool day and with 2 kids I will def require her help weeks ago…she really is an ass.

challenging June 10, 2009

it’s so hard to find the time for me and to work out. Someone always needs something. So I have been getting up at 5:30 am (on near no sleep most days) and going biking, running or doing a Jillian dvd if its crappy out. I find that Tues and Weds I can not get up OR if I can Chase is up, or whatever. I can’t even have 30 fucking minutes to myself. Walker can go to softball every tuesday and leave me with both kids, sometimes a double header or he lingers to chat and have a beer or two with his buddies. thus leaving me with baths and bed for both boys. Anders hasn’t been feeling well and Chase has been a little demanding the past few days. I couldn’t even give Anders the proper attention and care he needed last night and then Chase barely slept…what a fucking mess.

on a good note last week I managed to lose 2lbs and 4 inches altogether hips, thighs, belly and arms. The changing to healthier food and red meat only once a week has been tough but I’m doing well.