Several Random Things- revised November 29, 2007

no clue what happened I saved then published and it’s empty…Karma for being absent so long? ha ha stay tuned for the recreated post I suppose…damn technology!

 Honestly I have no idea what I wrote before. i know it had to do with writing Walker a letter to tell him how much I loved and appreciated him because people fail to do that a lot. and life is short. I didn’t give it to him yet, but I will soon (maybe today since I bit his head off this morning).

 We moved over Thanksgiving to a bigger place with nicer, quieter neighbors. We absolutely love it. So hopefully now that I’m all unpacked and settled I can get on here with a little bit more frequency.

 Another thing i wrote before? ….oh! Anders is now in the everything is a funny joke phase of life, which I could do without when I’m trying to discipline him…this too shall pass.

 Another woman who’s blog I read (in fact read from back to front in about a week) just had a healthy beautiful baby boy. The world is not all bad. I’m so happy for her and her husband.

and one I know wasn’t in the original but comes to mind now. I met my friend’s 9 month old son T.J. on Saturday (12/1/07). I am in love with this child. He’s happy, beautiful, great disposition and so smart. He adored Walker, sat on his lap and played and smiled. I just wanted to take him home with me. When I see, and can touch a child that young I start thinking….why wait? isn’t this what it’s all about? You can endure the stress and depression of a few miscalculated ovulations until one sticks if this is the end result…..can I? Who knows. we did take a break and I bet you even tho we did, come time for Aunt Flo I’ll still be sad anyway. At least when I try I’m sad for a real reason.

 I sound whiney and cranky. mainly because I am. PMS is not fun today. Hope you’re out there feeling better than I am today, tho despite sounding cranky I’m actually ok.

i think my gears are twisted November 8, 2007

I used to be like clockwork. 29 days from age 13 until this Sept.  all in all not so bad I got my period 36 days after i misscarried. Dr. said everything looked good and I should go right back to my cycle and conceive no problem. I’m 3 days late. which for women who were clockwork give or take a few days is fine. I never did. without fail 29 days…almost to the hour. I’m stupid too, negative hpt yesterday. I couldn’t wait. I should have.  Could be one of 3 things. 1. not enough hormones for a positive. 2. my cycle is a few days off, most likely. 3. my cycle will forever be off..(twisted gears clock is not working).not so good. I’m not stressing per se but I am indeed sad and cranky today…

why do we put ourselves through this? why can’t Anders be enough?

My Earthly Son November 7, 2007

Today is Anders birthday. He turned 7. Turning 30 in August didn’t make me start to freak out or worry that I was old or getting old. This however is not creating the most youthful feelings in me.

 I keep thinking, in 5 or 6 years he’ll be so hormonal and cool he won’t like me anymore…absurd I know cause I’m one of the coolest Moms ever. At 7 he’s so very grown up already. He stopped resembling a baby in any way within the past year and looks like a little man. I watched him realize at the beginning of Kindergarten that he could already read, and struggle slowly through the torture of a very beginner reading…he barely even asks for help with books a grade level above his. Yes I’m bragging but also it’s just taking a moment to sit back and look at what a wonderful, smart, very empathetic boy he is. I hope he always cares about other people’s feelings without caring what other people think. I hope he always keeps his sense of humor and his dry sarcasm, his energy and love of life. He’s been through quite a bit at his age and you’d never ever know it unless I told you.

Happy Birthday my sweet sweet first born baby. I love you, you’re beautiful.